He Saw Monsters
by Elven Ink
Summary: **COMPLETE** A drabble exploring Ardyn's fall. (This was originally on my blog, but as I've since deleted the blog, I thought I would upload it here!)


**AN: I used to have an Ardyn RP blog over on Tumblr, which had a fair few drabbles on. I've since deleted that blog, but I didn't want to lose the drabbles. So I am uploading them here. :)**

* * *

Another gasp tore past his lips, inhaling so quickly that his lungs ached to be called upon so quickly, so violently.

Ardyn jolted upright, or at least, he tried to. Something pushed him back down, a cool hand hitting him squarely in the chest with light smack. The mattress gave a squeak as the healer's back collided back down on it, and in a flurry of limbs, the man tried to sit back up immediately again. He couldn't quite put his finger on why he felt the urgent need to get up, but Ardyn could not shake the feeling that he needed to be somewhere.

"For Astrals' sake, brother!" Once again, Ardyn was pushed back down, but the hands stayed on him to prevent another attempt to sit up. His ragged breath began to settle, wide, darting eyes finally focusing on the person at his side. The dark-haired man who was demanding he be still was slighter than Ardyn was, but what imposing he lacked in his stature, he made up for with his piercing silver gaze. "You were meant to spend the day at _rest_."

The accusation brought a flood of memories back to Ardyn's addled thoughts, and at last, he found some grounding in reality. Ah yes, now it made sense why Somnus held quite the _look_ of irritation in his eyes.

Ardyn held up his hands in mock-surrender.

"I am lying in bed. Is that not resting?"

He watched his brother's brows knot in annoyance, as he let Ardyn go and paced away from the bed.

"You are only there because Gilgamesh and I found you lying in the street! Nay, less _lying_ , and more _writhing_." The younger Lucis Caelum turned to scowl at the older. "What good is a healer that seems intent on overexerting himself to the point of near-death?"

Ardyn felt a pang of guilt for his brother's concern. It was true. As the number of daemons rose, as the Starscourge surged, he found himself curing more and more people every day. It was a natural gift of his true, but it was exhausting. As he absorbed the darkness infecting others, though his own body seemed somewhat immune to its corruption, it was tiring all the same. They had agreed the man ought to take one day's rest in every seven, but he hadn't wholly kept his promise.

"She wouldn't have lasted until sunrise, Somnus." Ardyn noted gravely, a thread of pleading in his voice, "You would not have me leave her to turn into a monster for the sake of a nap, would you?"

Somnus' jaw tightened, and he turned away again, clearly wrestling with his heart over his mind. He seemed so determined to be the logical, rational one of the pair of them, and yet, Ardyn knew it did not come so naturally to him.

"You cannot save everyone, Ardyn. Trying will get you killed, and then the rest of us will be left defenceless in the dark."

"Don't be so dramatic." Ardyn rebuked, pushing himself up slowly to sit up in his bed. "The world would still have you."

That brought a scoff of bitterness, and dare he say it, a twang of jealousy to Somnus' lips.

"I can do little in the face of the Starscourge. I am not blessed as you are."

The scorn lingered a moment between the brothers.

"…If it's any consolation, I don't feel very _blessed_ at the moment."

In truth, Ardyn felt utterly _vile_. He had not dare utter a word to his brother of it, for fear that the man would march him back to Insomnia and prevent his travelling the world, but the truth was that lately, his curing light did not conjure as easily at it once did. The Starscourge did not disappear into nothingness in his veins, rather, it settled there, a ghostly echo in his mind. Just a whisper, but present all the same.

It would pass, he thought to himself. The world was flooding with poison, and he would not let its people drown.

 _These people deserve to live in a peaceful world._

* * *

"Ardyn…brother, step away."

"No! I can still save him—unhand me!—I can still—"

"Brother…"

Ardyn all but _snarled_ as he shoved Somnus away, sending his brother sprawling across the ground as he turned his attention once more to the man lying before him. Ardyn was on his knees, hands alight with a glow of starlight and midnight blue. And yet, despite the curing light seeping from his hands, the afflicted was slipping away.

 _Had_ slipped away. He refused to see it, but the man was beyond saving. A mangled mess, half-transformed into a daemon, bones twisted and contorted, a confused mutation of man and monster. Black ichor poured from his eyes, his nose, his mouth…and he did not move.

Ardyn froze.

He stared, as though willing the man to move with silent prayer, eyes widening as his hands began to tremble.

He…had failed?

Once more, he felt a hand on his shoulder, gentler now, trying to coax him away.

"Ardyn, he's dead. There's nothing more you can do for him."

The silence threatened to deafen him, pressing on his ears, on his chest. He had never failed to save someone before, and yet, this time, he just couldn't seem to bring enough light to hand. Ardyn had scraped and struggled, but the darkness radiating from the afflicted had been too much to burn away with the light, and too suffocating to absorb into himself in full. Ardyn had absorbed much more than he usually would, in an attempt to help the man fight back, but it was all for nothing.

As if on cue, the effects of his work sent tremors of pain through his body; a grunt pushed from his throat and he doubled over, his muscles spasming and tensing as the light instinctively rallied to defend him from the Scourge Ardyn had allowed into his body. A cold sweat beaded on his head, his face waxen as black bile spilled from his lips and splattered to the ground.

Numbly, he felt Somnus pull his arm over his shoulder and hoist him to his feet.

"The Sage needs to rest…please, will someone allow him a bed for the night?"

Once, the people had clamoured to help support him on his mission to cure the world. But, for the first time, Somnus' plea was met with silence.

"…Will no one?"

Though it felt as heavy as lead, Ardyn raised his head a little to look at the crowd. A few stepped back, looked away. One failure, that was all it took for them to lose faith, Ardyn thought bitterly. The bitterness didn't disappear as quickly as it should, however, and for a split second, Ardyn saw something new that nearly made him recoil enough to fall away from Somnus' support.

For just a moment, the scene before him had shifted. Instead of people, _his_ people that he had sworn to protect…a sea of distortion greeted him.

Twisted faces, hateful eyes, slavering maws…grabbing hands, clawed and blistered…open, snapping mouths.

As soon as it had appeared, it was gone, but the image sent Ardyn's heart cold.

"…It matters not. We'll find somewhere to rest, Ardyn. These people are…in shock, is all." Somnus' voice barely registered as Ardyn tried to shake a thought that rung too clearly in his mind.

 _These people deserve to live in this tainted world._

* * *

How had he been quite so blind for quite so long?

It seemed almost laughable, Ardyn thought to himself, that he had once taken such pains to protect the people of this world from the darkness. Burned all the lights within his soul to keep them safe. Little had he known that these _vermin_ not only belonged in the darkness…they _were_ the darkness. They didn't see it themselves, of course, so quick to blame everything but themselves, but Ardyn had seen enough to be convinced of it — the Starscourge came from the very people who feared it. All the darkness of the world came from the people within it.

Turning into daemons, well, that was just their own darkness revealing the truth within them.

And he, the only light that had walked the disgusting realm…he had learned to _control_ the darkness that they aimed at him. That they had expected him to soak up for them, the endless darkness they created…

…he would return it all to them a hundred-fold. The wrath of the light they had used and left to _die_ at the hands of the dragon-god.

Hooded, golden eyes looked out from under the rim of his hat, across the crowd gathered to hear the Emperor's speech.

A sea of grey and black, bleeding eyes and fanged mouths, clicking talons and emaciated frames. Disgusting, distorted. The light had blinded him of the truth, but now, Ardyn saw humans for what they really were.

He saw monsters.


End file.
